Deconstructing Happily Ever After
My 3-year partnership with Kenny has come to an end.
Within 6 hours my entire life as I had known it was no longer, as I stood there shell shocked...
2 men brought a truck, boxes, tape, wrapping paper, furniture blankets, floor runners, power tools… and packed up my hopes and dreams of “happily ever after” 📦
Kenny and I really gave it our all… 7 therapists, 4 Landmark courses, Tony Robbins' Date with Destiny, ISTA, ALA, couples coaching, relationship counseling, books, podcasts — name it and we’ve probably done it
After all of that, we find ourselves in the most unexpected predicament: we’re just NOT nesting partners.
And, we CAN'T workshop our way into becoming nesting partners.
So, in the aftermath of an intimate relationship not working out
Notably, as a professional relationship coach…
The automatic response is to go into shame and failure 💥
But all that work did “pay off” because I caught myself before falling deep into shame, blame, make-wrong spiral…🌀
I can see that I was walking in the expectation of "happily ever after”
When the reality is that shit doesn’t work 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙪𝙨 — it’s probably why it’s so intoxicating!
“Oh, look, people, I’m the special earthling that cracked the code to happily ever after!!”
🤦🏻♀️
Especially as a “polyamorous couple” my fear is confirming the narrative that “poly doesn’t work”
When the truth is there was so much about us that DIDN’T work lol 🤣
But our openness of the relationship was perhaps the one part that worked the BEST ♥️
It was all the day-to-day human domesticating and nesting that created friction between us…
Within 6 hours my entire life as I had known it was no longer, as I stood there shell shocked...
2 men brought a truck, boxes, tape, wrapping paper, furniture blankets, floor runners, power tools… and packed up my hopes and dreams of “happily ever after” 📦
Kenny and I really gave it our all… 7 therapists, 4 Landmark courses, Tony Robbins' Date with Destiny, ISTA, ALA, couples coaching, relationship counseling, books, podcasts — name it and we’ve probably done it
After all of that, we find ourselves in the most unexpected predicament: we’re just NOT nesting partners.
And, we CAN'T workshop our way into becoming nesting partners.
So, in the aftermath of an intimate relationship not working out
Notably, as a professional relationship coach…
The automatic response is to go into shame and failure 💥
But all that work did “pay off” because I caught myself before falling deep into shame, blame, make-wrong spiral…🌀
I can see that I was walking in the expectation of "happily ever after”
When the reality is that shit doesn’t work 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙪𝙨 — it’s probably why it’s so intoxicating!
“Oh, look, people, I’m the special earthling that cracked the code to happily ever after!!”
🤦🏻♀️
Especially as a “polyamorous couple” my fear is confirming the narrative that “poly doesn’t work”
When the truth is there was so much about us that DIDN’T work lol 🤣
But our openness of the relationship was perhaps the one part that worked the BEST ♥️
It was all the day-to-day human domesticating and nesting that created friction between us…
How we processed our emotions, triggers, expressions of love, showed up in breakdown, money, bills, chores, cleaning, and how we fought about the most benign things… like a spoon 🥄
Yes, we literally had a fight over a spoon
But it’s never about the spoon…
So I find myself in a new home, a new part of town, new housemates... a whole new life, just like that
I did what any spiritual sex coach would do...
Yes, we literally had a fight over a spoon
But it’s never about the spoon…
So I find myself in a new home, a new part of town, new housemates... a whole new life, just like that
I did what any spiritual sex coach would do...
👉🏽 Binge-watch the final 2 seasons of Suits wearing the same clothes, not showering for a week and order take out… it was fucking great.
I allowed myself to mourn, to grieve, to really be with my sadness
I embraced the spaciousness to breathe, to think, to feel and just sit in my own energy in a way I hadn’t for years
And maybe it’s just my outlook on love and life, but I feel so clear of the powerful force for love I get to be in this world…
I recognize that our relationship was more than just the 2 of us
As pillars in our community, I can see the dissolving of our relationship affects our friends, lovers, and family
It’s important for me to hold that:
𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙪𝙣𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡
𝙍𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡
So when I ask myself “What would holding love at it’s the highest vibration look like?"
It’s to not destabilized our friend's circle but to actually bring new awareness, love, and life into it
Just like our computers, phones, exercise, diets, time management, efficiency and productivity in life can get an upgrade
What would an upgrade to dissolving our partnership look like for us?
Thanks to the support of so many friends already, we are in communication to figure it out.
This blurry photo was taken when we first saw each other after my moving out
As we get to blur the lines of what’s “normal” for exes
As we navigate through these new waters,
Send us your love
Please don’t choose sides
Invite us BOTH to your parties and celebrations 🙏🏾
What’s your top harm reduction action you’re committed to taking?
I allowed myself to mourn, to grieve, to really be with my sadness
I embraced the spaciousness to breathe, to think, to feel and just sit in my own energy in a way I hadn’t for years
And maybe it’s just my outlook on love and life, but I feel so clear of the powerful force for love I get to be in this world…
I recognize that our relationship was more than just the 2 of us
As pillars in our community, I can see the dissolving of our relationship affects our friends, lovers, and family
It’s important for me to hold that:
𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙪𝙣𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡
𝙍𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡
So when I ask myself “What would holding love at it’s the highest vibration look like?"
It’s to not destabilized our friend's circle but to actually bring new awareness, love, and life into it
Just like our computers, phones, exercise, diets, time management, efficiency and productivity in life can get an upgrade
What would an upgrade to dissolving our partnership look like for us?
Thanks to the support of so many friends already, we are in communication to figure it out.
This blurry photo was taken when we first saw each other after my moving out
As we get to blur the lines of what’s “normal” for exes
As we navigate through these new waters,
Send us your love
Please don’t choose sides
Invite us BOTH to your parties and celebrations 🙏🏾
What’s your top harm reduction action you’re committed to taking?
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